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Case 1 & 2

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Case 2:


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Write in C

Filk Author: Brian Marshall

When I find my code in tons of trouble,
Friends and colleagues come to me,
Speaking words of wisdom:
"Write in C."

As the deadline fast approaches,
And bugs are all that I can see,
Somewhere, someone whispers:
"Write in C."

Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, oh, Write in C.
LOGO's dead and buried,
Write in C.

I used to write a lot of FORTRAN,
For science it worked flawlessly.
Try using it for graphics!
Write in C.

If you've just spent nearly 30 hours
Debugging some assembly,
Soon you will be glad to
Write in C.

Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, yeah, Write in C.
Only wimps use BASIC.
Write in C.

Write in C, Write in C
Write in C, oh, Write in C.
Pascal won't quite cut it.
Write in C.

Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, yeah, Write in C.
Don't even mention COBOL.
Write in C.

(and what about C++ ?)

The Programmer's Viewpoint

( to the tune of "My favorite things" )
( Lyrics by greywolf )

This routine sets up some pointers to functions,
And this one completely reverses conjunctions,
This function here turns your trees into rings,
And does other rather unusual things...

Pointers to longwords with external labels,
Pointers to structures in segmented tables,
Pointers to pointers to pointers to strings
(This code does some *rather* unorthodox things...!)

Unions and structures and macros included,
Some of which seem to be quite convoluted,
Library calls make the network go "ping!"
(And other sometimes inexplicable things)

When the crash comes, when the core dumps
When the data fries,
I simply recall these unusual things
.then I know *why* it dies.

Assemblers, preprocessors, dynamic loaders,
Linkers, compilers, and optimized coders,
Debuggers and dumpers and archivers bring
Online a programmer's favourite things...

Scanners and parsers and string tokenizers,
And lexicographical line analyzers,
Tools that make endless arrays of the strings,
These are some more of a programmer's things...

Debuggers and coredumps and function backtraces,
Registers, breakpoints and strange interfaces,
Contexts and byte-ordering problems do cling,
but these are a programmer's *favourite* things (uck!)

When the core dumps, and the disk hangs,
and the program dies,
"Well, hey, it did just what I told it to do
-- Tell the Boss that my program *flies*!"

A is for Apple

by Douglas Spencer
Computer Systems Administrator, Anderman and Co Ltd
submitted by chiyo to funny@looking.

A is for APPLE who sent us our Macs,
D is for DEC, and they sold us a Vax.
C is the language in which we write source,
and B is our sort, which is BROKEN, of course.

E is an ERROR when code is compiled,
F is a FORK for creating a child,
G is the GETTY that sits on the line,
and H is a HANGUP whic:^?{^Zo^?{bD^]NO CARRIER

I is the INTERCONNECTION of kit,
J is the JOY when the cables all fit.
K is for KERMIT, to copy a file,
and L are the LINES that we drop all the while.

M is the MODEM we use from our home,
N are the NIGHTS which we spend on the 'phone,
O is the OUTPUT we get from the host,
and P are the 'PHONE BILLS we get in the post.

Q for SIGQUIT makes our process abort,
R is the REASON sigquit should be caught.
S is the SIGNAL we catch and ignore,
and T is the TRAP which we miss, and dump core.

U is for UNIX -- I hope that is clear,
V is the VISUAL editor here.
W stands for the WINDOWS we use,
and X for the windowing system we choose.

Y is for YACC, quite a specialist tool,
Z for the snores from the programming pool.
Written while waiting while dinner was cooking

I'm a Programmer

(to The Lumberjack Song By Monty Python)
by Thaddeus Beier, Robert Frye, Robert Herndon,
William Lindemann, Sarah Elizabeth Miller, and Michael John

Chorus:
I'm a programmer and I'm insane.
I work all night and I hack all day.

I patch up bugs. I write in C
On the EE's PDP.
On Wednesdays I do COBOL
And structured RPG. (Arrgh!)

(Chorus)

I edit files. I rewind tapes.
I dismount RK packs.
I exercise the disk drives
And kick off all the hacks.

(Chorus)

I punch mag tape. I bug Jon Day
And insult VDV,
And if I keep this all up,
I'll leave the PDP.

(Chorus)

I play seawar. I crash the disks
And anger Dr. Gore.
And sometimes I do programs
For Elizier Naddor.

(Chorus)

I copy disks. I dump to tape.
I execute Sys calls.
And when the system crashes,
I run screaming down the halls.

(Chorus)(Chorus)

On Friday night when it is late,
It loves me best, you know.
I stay with the Eleven,
And don't go to the shows.

(Chorus)(Chorus)

When terminals stop working,
I stalk out of the door.
On Mondays we do PM
And process nevermore.

(Chorus)(Chorus)

The Hacker's Song

by Dave Touretzky and Don Libes
(with no apologies whatsoever to Monty Python)

I'm a hacker and I'm okay.
I work all night and I sleep all day.

I wrote some hacks in APL,
each on a single line.
They're mutually recursive,
and run in n-squared time!

(chorus:)
Oh, he's a hacker and he's okay.
He works all night and he sleeps all day.
I'm a hacker and I'm okay.
I work all night and I sleep all day.

I wrote two hacks in MACRO,
with UUOs galore.
One plays Nim on the console lights,
while the other zeros core!

(chorus)

I wrote a hack in Snobol,
with FORTRAN subroutines,
It spits out trashy stories,
for ladies' magazines!

(chorus)

I wrote some hacks in InterLisp,
they barely fit in core.
The swapper thrashed its guts out,
So now it runs no more.

(chorus)

I wrote a hack in microcode,
with a goto on each line,
it runs as fast as Superman,
but not quite every time!

(chorus)

I wrote some hacks in Ada,
and still can't run them yet,
Do you suppose we'll see that day?
On it, I wouldn't bet!

(chorus)

I wrote a hack for UNIX
While it was still in vogue.
It knows the tricks to pacman,
and plays mean games of rogue!

(chorus)

I wrote some hacks, distributed,
across our neat gateway.
Each one of its 10 functions
kills RIG in a different way!

(chorus)

I wrote some hacks in Mlisp,
to edit files of root.
It writes them back no-execute,
And now it won't reboot!

(chorus)

I wrote some hacks to manage jobs
with PLITS and IPC.
Its very first activity,
was firing the faculty!

(chorus)

I wrote some hacks with P and V
to synchronize my life.
Now I can't use the bathroom,
I'm deadlocked with my wife!

(chorus)

I wrote a hack (in theory),
it may not ever halt.
But if it does, just watch out...
[Fatal Error: Infinite Page Fault]

(chorus)

I wrote a hack with hough transforms
for our folks at DoD.
It'll guide their fancy missiles,
to Washington, D.C.

I'm a hacker and I'm okay,
I work all night and I sleep all day.
I'll have a system of my own someday,
that'll run my code in a hacked-up way.